A Real Story of Easter

a story by

Adam Paimon

Preface

The Bible is full of stories with bad people and groups of people who stand against each other and do harm. I guess history is made by the conflicts that matter. Turning humans into bunnies in this story is a bit lame, but I hope it puts things a bit in perspective for those who are too serious about the Bible.

© 2020-2023 Adam Paimon

www.adampaimon.com

No part of this publication may be copied, reproduced and/or published by means of printing, photocopying or by whatsoever means, without the prior written consent of Adam Paimon.

A Real Story of Easter

Many people nowadays ask why there is an Easter bunny hopping around during Easter, when Easter to our current knowledge is a religious holiday connected to Jesus Christ and the Bible. But what you know about Easter is just plain wrong! It is an age-old myth from the depths of our time, a story that originates long before any religion was even thought of.

I will tell you the original story and I think it might refresh some lingering memories which are stored in the back of your head for ages, once put there by some prehistoric source, originating in a long-forgotten history. After I have told you how Easter came to be, many of you will remember and say “Yes, this is how it was, that is why we celebrate Easter.”

***

Long ago there was a small bunny (although some people say it actually was a hare, but that is just a detail). It lived among a big clan of bunnies (or hares), in a large bunny kingdom below the surface of the earth. The bunny clan was well organized and in the maze of underground tunnels many holes with specific functions had been created. There were large sleeping chambers, communal eating chambers and smaller private rooms for “bunnying”. There were also bunny barracks with rows of bunk beds for the bunny army that protected the clan and there was also a big room with a throne for meetings presided by Big Rabbit, who was the leader of the clan.

One day in early spring, the earlier mentioned small bunny (let’s call him Small Bunny) was outside the clan home and hopped around to find some food (as bunnies always do). Once every few meters, it sat up to smell all the delicious scents of the awakening nature. Today was a special bunny holiday and a lot of other bunnies were out doing the same, enjoying the early spring air.

Within the clan, a sub-clan of bunnies existed, a sub-clan that was avoided by most other bunnies because of their strict beliefs in certain rules which they thought bunnies should live by. They were tolerated within the clan as long as they didn’t force their beliefs too much on the other bunnies. It was a strange bunch of bunnies that would suddenly break out into feverish chanting and members always mumbled strange words with closed eyes and folded paws before they started eating.

One of their stranger beliefs was about leader worship. To them, Big Rabbit was the earthly replacement of the Great Bunny in the skies, he who watched over all bunnies. Great Bunny had made the world and had given all a fluffy tail. According to the sub-clan, Big Rabbit, as the earthy representative of the Great Bunny, should receive regular tribute, otherwise the Great Bunny would become unfavourable to the clan. So, the sub-clan regularly gathered all kinds of foods as an offering to Big Rabbit. On this specific bunny holiday, the offering should be extra special, to please the Great Bunny.

Now, Big Rabbit was a practical, worldly bunny. He didn’t care much for divine matters and he didn’t support the beliefs of the sub-clan within his clan. But he didn’t not-support it either, because like most bunnies, he was quite fond of food. And if some nutjobs brought him free food now and then, why should he object?

So, on the day of the story, Small Bunny hopped around until he saw a small pile of dandelion leaves with a dandelion flower on top. Hungry and being like a bunny, he quickly hopped closer and smelled the mesmerising aromas with his eyes closed and his whiskers trembling in delight.

Small Bunny did not know that the pile of food was carefully gathered by the sub-clan members and that the pile was supposed to be brought to Big Rabbit as a special bunny holiday offering. So when Small Bunny started to eat the dandelion flower, he was instantly disturbed by a loud squeaking of rabbits who came running from all directions. The sub-clan members closed in on him and they were very angry. They growled and pushed Small Bunny around. Other bunnies of the clan looked at the situation from a distance, but didn’t dare to intervene.

Soldier bunnies were called, among which were quite a number of followers of the sub-clan, and Small Bunny was taken away and brought before Big Rabbit. Trembling, Small Bunny looked up the intimidatingly big form of his leader, who was sitting on the throne in the big hall.

Angry, the sub-clan members explained what Small Bunny had done. This was an insult to the Great Bunny and to Big Rabbit. This could not be without punishment. The shame had to be repaid and the only possible way for this was that Small Bunny should be sacrificed before the Great Bunny, instead of the spoiled food.

Big Rabbit didn’t really care for that eaten dandelion, because there were more of those and they all tasted the same. But the General Bunny, commander of the soldiers, argued it was a terrible crime that needed to be punished. Big Rabbit hesitated. Should Big Rabbit condemn a fellow bunny to death because he wanted to secure a free source of food for himself? A bit worried about this dilemma, Big Rabbit sat in his throne and pondered on the situation. Then he suddenly saw a solution.

Because it was a bunny holiday, it was common to free a prisoner of the clan to show good will to the world. Usually, the prisoners of the clan were members of other bunny clans or enemies of bunnies in general, like foxes, weasels, cats and the occasional dog.

Being sure that his clan would choose wisely, Big Rabbit proposed to his bunny clan a choice: on this special bunny holiday the clan would either set Small Bunny free or free a fox they had as a prisoner. He thought that, of course, his clan would not choose to free a fox. That would not be very smart, the fox being their number one enemy and responsible for the murder (and eating) of at least four clan members.

But Big Rabbit’s plan misfired. Threatened and manipulated by the soldier bunnies and the sub-clan members, the bunny clan chose to release the fox. As Big Rabbit had proposed the choice himself, there was no possibility anymore to avoid offering Small Bunny. Big Rabbit was very disappointed in his clan but, following the decision of the majority, he decided to put Small Bunny in the same prison as the fox before releasing the fox, so that “it would all resolve itself”. Leading Small Bunny to the fox, he said “I am sorry, it is all politics, mate.”

So Small Bunny was killed by the fox, who got an easy meal and his freedom in one single day. The fact that a fellow bunny was killed for simply touching the offering of the sub-clan, resonated through the clan like a death bell. Suddenly the world of the clan had become a bit darker and a bit more uncertain. Big Rabbit did not linger too long on what had happened and by the time he had eaten the offering that was made to him, most of it he had already forgotten. He did wash his paws very well after he ate, as they felt dirtier than usual.

The next morning a few bunnies appeared really early above ground. They had not slept very well after the events of the day before and they decided to eat away their anxiety, as bunnies usually do. The dew was still on the grass, giving it that fresh sharp morning taste. All was still silent around them and the bunnies started to nibble away without too much focus on their surroundings.

Suddenly, one of the bunnies felt being watched and looked up. Not far from them, on a small hill, Small Bunny was looking down on them. One after the other bunny looked up and stared in amazement to the appearance on the hill. “Small Bunny, is that you?” they asked. Small Bunny didn’t answer and the other bunnies approached. They raised their noses carefully and smelled the air. It indeed was the smell of Small Bunny. How was that possible?

Small Bunny sat up on his hind legs and the other bunnies gathered around him in a semi-circle. There was something new to Small Bunny. He looked more confident and calm, more like a leader than before. When he addressed them, his voice was compelling and clear.

“Peace be with you. Reach here your paw, and behold my paws, reach here your paw and thrust it into my side. Be not faithless, but believing. Because you see me, you believe in me.”

The bunnies looked at each other in confusion. One bunny whispered to a bunny next to him: “What does he talk about?”

“I think he has hit his head,” his neighbour replied.

“And quite hard, if you ask me,” a third bunny said.

Seeing the confusion, Small Bunny sat down on four legs. “I mean to say I am back, you morons,“ he said. “And I have been given a basket with eggs to start our own sub-clan. Let’s show those other sub-clanners that we are united against them and that we do not fear them!”

Small Bunny stepped aside and behind him a basket of brightly coloured eggs appeared. The bunnies looked curiously in the basket.

“So, we become the ‘coloured egg’-clan?” a bunny asked.

“Why ARE they painted in all those fancy colours, anyway?” one of the other bunnies asked. Small Bunny hopped up and down a little on the same place and then grudgingly said: “Yeah, well, I had some spare time, so I painted them. And no, we will call ourselves the Easter bunnies, after yesterday’s bunny holiday.” Small Bunny looked around and all the bunnies nodded their heads nervously.

“What are we going to do with the eggs?” the other bunnies asked.

“We are going to hide them,” Small Bunny replied. “so the other bunnies can find them and join our clan too.” One of the bunnies raised his paw. “Yes?”

“Two questions. Or, actually, three questions,“ the bunny said. “Why hide the eggs when they are so easy to spot in those bright colours? And how will the other bunnies join our clan by finding the eggs?” The bunny went silent and added: “I guess I just had two questions after all,” he added. A bunny next to him punched him in the side and whispered: “You can be so stupid sometimes!”

Small Bunny sat up and thought for a moment. “It is all, like, predestined, you know. We will do this and it will happen. Great Bunny has sent me back to do this task and you know he is always right.”

“So that means Small Bunny actually doesn’t know how and why,” a bunny whispered in his neighbour's ear.

“I heard that!” Small Bunny said. “Does it matter if we fully understand why things must be done? I only know this is Great Bunny’s wish and he told me that we should do it yearly in early Spring, to clear out all narrow-mindedness and dangerous ideas before nature awakes. Bunnies who will find and appreciate the eggs will be open to joining our clan, that is just logical.”

Although it didn’t sound logical at all to the bunnies, they still began to hide the coloured eggs. Because, in the end, it is always better to belong to a group than being alone against another group. That is just how bunnies are.

And thus it began. Their own sub-clan gained a lot of followers, also from outside their own bunny clan, because who doesn’t like painted eggs? It is a great marketing item, of course.